June 27 + July 9, 2024
It’s a fantastic summer day (both days I sat down to write this, as it turns out – typed on the 27th, finished and revised on the 9th); way cooler and less muggy than last week when I was sweltering while on a long weekend in Cleveland. This entry is a Q&A – EDLM would like to know my thoughts on home & religion. Here we go!
Home life
Q – What does the word “home” conjure up for you? What does “making a home” mean to you??
A – I get absolutely sick of thinking about this very topic. Not for what it is, but for this tired mentality I have about the topic. I am sick to death of my thoughts on it. To me, you say “home” and the first thing I think of is flags. Your home is literally the place you were when you were born, and by that definition, no other place can ever be “home”, just as a simple matter of fact, regardless of how foreign or irrelevant your birthplace ever becomes. I am not from Indiana- it is not my home, even though I have lived here for 10 years now. I am from [redacted], and even if I never go back there again, it is and always will be my home. I am FROM [redacted], I LIVE IN Indiana. I am a tourist here. Even if I spend the rest of my life here, I will always be a tourist while I exist outside of [redacted]. Talking and thinking this way is WAY TOO “Blood and Soil” for my liking – I am not one of those people, I promise. I really *want* the word “home” to mean the place where “my people” are – the people I care about and interact with regularly. If that’s the case, this is probably it. This air of transience also manifests in my actual dwelling – it is an apartment. I am waiting for my Public Service Student Loan Forgiveness to eliminate that debt before I can ever look at buying a house. And for someone in their mid-40s, the idea of still renting at my age kind of solidifies the notion that I will always feel like something of a drifter. I actually like my apartment, it is in a quiet corner of the city, and my unit is in the back of its building, which is in the back of the neighborhood. I feel very tucked away and hidden from the world’s ills when I’m at home. I have a nice little back patio which opens up to this stand of dense trees only around 10 feet out from its edge. I often see those trees going through their annual cycle of color and I feel kept. Guarded. The birds, along with the occasional opossum, chipmunk, squirrel, and raccoon out there, are keeping an eye out. Oh, and my apartment complex is one of the few (as far as I can tell) that are not managed by one of the infamous Muncie slumlords, so I feel like I lucked out there.
Q – Please describe the physical space in which you live (room/apartment/house, etc.).?
A – I should have saved that last bit for this question! My apartment is gradually improving. My ex moved out in March, 2023. So it’s been a bit over a year now. He was filthy. I felt like I was the only one who would clean. He didn’t care because he was miserable and depressed, so nothing ever got better, as far as the space was concerned. My current partner is amazing, and she has helped me so much to fix up the place and make it homier. Things match way better now. Little things add to the new vibe – towels are now folded the correct way. Ruined pots and pans have been tossed. Broken furniture sent away. Terrible wall art replaced. On a couple of occasions this past year, I have tossed a pile of stuff out of my front door, and posted that it’s all free, come and get it. As I have lived in it since 2018, our apartment is one of the units that have not been given their full update yet – it’s a little bit cheaper to live there as a result, but the cabinets and major appliances are really in need of an upgrade, and there is not quite enough storage or counter space. Saying this makes me sound materialistic, though, and I don’t like that. All in all, ghosts of bad relationships past notwithstanding, I feel like my place is a little oasis, and I really want to make it that for my partner as well – I want her to feel safe and sound there.??
Q – How long have you been there? What do you like or not like about it? (Please give examples).?
A – Again, I should have read ahead to discover that I answered this question in the previous answer! My ex and I moved into this complex in May, 2015, but we were in another unit. We lived with a good friend of his in a 2BR/2 Bath apartment. When his friend moved out of town in late 2017, he and I moved into what is my current unit in January, 2018 – a 2BR/1 Bath unit that was a bit cheaper. They did make us pay a whole additional pet deposit for switching units, which I didn’t appreciate. But other than that, the management here has been pretty good. They are very responsive to maintenance requests. The closet and pantry doors are a nightmare – constantly falling out of their tracks, and really needing replaced. And at one point for maybe 3 years, there was an annual wasp invasion from I believe down the chimney, and certainly from the window beside the chimney. That seemed to stop last year though.?
Q – Do you have favorite or least favorite parts or aspects of your home? To what extent does your home stress you out or give you comfort, and under what conditions or circumstances?
A – My main complaint about the place is its inability to properly house 3 cats. We use the “guest bedroom” as a litter box area. I wouldn’t think of ever offering anyone to actually sleep over in that room, and a such we have been talking about getting rid of the bed and turning it into a home office (which may be an important idea, if my partner ends up getting this new job that she is in line for – half of her work week would be working from home). I originally only had 1 cat. But that cat liked me better, so my ex wanted one that would be “his cat”. So we got cat 2, but she didn’t really like him either. When he moved out, he did not take a cat with him. SO that left me with both. Then, my current partner moved in, bringing her cat with her to bring it to the grand total of 3. So, it’s a lot. My cats are 11 and 12, I believe, so it may not be too much longer for them? How long do cats live? I can’t stand the constant litter box smell, even though I am told that I have a very sensitive nose, and that the smell really isn’t that bad. It is embarrassing to have anyone come over with what I can smell coming out of that 2nd bedroom. One cat is arthritic, and has a hard time getting into even the low-wall boxes we have in there, so she often poops on the floor by the boxes. And another cat just enjoys peeing on the floor instead of getting into the box. I look forward to the time when I can reduce the number of cats living there. Oftentimes I so wish the place had some kind of basement so we could put the cat boxes down there. I feel bad for not liking it – they are all great cats and individually I would love to have each of them around. But I am so tired of smelling cat pee.?
Q – With whom do you share your home? How do you manage caring for it? How does the physical space you occupy make everyday life easy or difficult?
A – My partner moved in there in November of 2022, when she basically had to flee her previous living arrangement due to her relationship falling apart. At the time she and I were just friends, but as my own relationship was obviously and quickly sinking, we grew closer. She stayed on our couch until March, 2023, when my ex moved out. During that winter and spring, we commiserated our losses together, until finally we both realized we were in a new thing with each other. So it’s just the 2 of us, with the cats at home. We believe in dividing up the housework 50/50. I really had no idea how unbalanced the division of household labor is among male-female couples. Her coworkers are constantly amazed that I ever do any chores around the house – weird! Do most guys really not chip in that much? She is very handy; she enjoys trying to fix most things that need repair – I would love to learn more about how to be handy, but I let her do it, because I can see she has fun with it – she loves proving she can do it! We both combine to do a pretty steady level of daily upkeep, so it never really gets that bad. The only thing is the piles of laundry – we both hate putting it away, and we’ll both live out of the clean pile for weeks before we finally decide to take the 45 minutes and deal with it properly.?
Religious and spiritual practice
Q – Please describe your religious or spiritual beliefs, if any.
A – I was raised southern baptist, but it clearly didn’t take. I have been an atheist for a long time. Nothing created by people can be higher than people. Mythology and theological cosmology are both real as a literature/artform/idea, but that stuff is just a fun and interesting tool that can be used to shed light on the human condition in the world – the same way music, sculpture, or cinema does. God is real in the same way that smurfs are real – in that someone imagined it onto paper at some point.?
Q – How do these beliefs and practices inform your everyday life? Do you think about your beliefs daily? And, if you do so, what sort of thinking do you do?
A – I think I am only reminded of my beliefs when I see some piece of public policy enacted, based upon the actions of the religious Right (which there is a LOT of in this part of the country). I am constantly incensed at how laws are made that favor the members of a single religious group. While I will 100% support peoples’ freedom to practice whatever religion they like, another person’s religion should NEVER have any involuntary effect on lives beyond that practitioner. Consent is important with religion too – it’s not just for sex. There are too many children (and adults) abused at the hands of religious family that believe they are doing what is best for them. Indeed, Christianity’s very raison d’etre is conversion. If they are not allowed to attempt to bring people into their flock, then they are being persecuted. – I have heard those very words come out the mouths of multiple Christians. One can spread peace and love without a religion; it is not necessary, and only causes hardship – just ask the Middle East, Ireland, or basically the entire African continent.
Q – If you consider yourself agnostic, atheist, or secular, does something in your life play the role that religion or spirituality plays for others? Please describe as fully as you can.
A – There is nothing that fills that “blind faith” role. I “believe” (irony intended) in science. Fact. Peer review. Journalism. Documentation. We definitely do not know everything there is to know about the world, but very smart people are out there every day doing their best to make the world knowable for the rest of us (and we all can get in on that process; we don’t need to have PhDs in order to contribute to the body of knowledge that we all share.). But I suppose it would feel all warm and fuzzy to fantasize that Discworld is really out there being its weirdly lovable self – gods, giants, sentient furniture and all.?
Q – What routine practices in your life are connected to religious or spiritual belief, and how? What benefits do these practices bring you?
A – Really nothing, directly. But I do work in education, so I guess you could say that my very livelihood directly embodies my preference to give people fact, not faith, which I would say counts for way more.?
Q – Are you happy with your current beliefs and practices? Why or why not? What would you change if you could?
A – I took a while to arrive at where I am on this. It took a lot of observation and critical thinking to arrive at a place of peace. I believe in peace for everyone, and only wish that others could give that to each other. There is nothing that I would change about seeing the inherent worth in everyone, and working to make the world OK for people. In the end, it doesn’t matter how we arrive at that conclusion – if it takes believing in the threat of eternal hellfire to make you act “right” for others and yourself, then fine. Whatever gets you there.?
Q – What challenges your beliefs?
A – Evidence.