preamble
for me, answering these directives often involves some soul-searching because i want to balance my desire to participate in the Middletown program fully with my desire to remain anonymous. describing too much of my personal life and spaces will reveal my identity, compromising my privacy and ability to deliver truly honest experiences and thoughts. i hold no claim to fame nor great importance. i simply want to preserve my privacy.
how do i participate fully without losing my anonymity?
i simply cannot.
focusing on one of those aspects necessarily neglects the other one. in other words, the more i speak with candor the less anonymity i enjoy and vice versa ; the more details in my descriptions, the more recognizable my private life becomes. conversely, the more i gloss over those details the less i convey open and honest information of historical value about my life. again, it becomes a balancing act that, for me, leans heavily towards preserving my privacy. sorry Middletown.
the above concept matters most with regard to physical descriptions of my work, home, and leisure activities. some of which represent very unique and unmistakable activities and places. however, revealing my personal religious nature brings its own host of problems. not only would it bring loss of privacy to a lesser extent than the above, but my religious views often garner knee-jerk prejudiced behavior: anger, fear, and even hostility. i have had people who i considered good friends turn their back on me over this. family, too. worst part? they do it without a word as to why. they simply ghost me. what a horrible practice. i do not understand until years later, if ever, when someone else drops the truth on me or i finally speak with them about it or i just piece things together. so, i have become extremely careful when it comes to broaching the subject at all, let alone having a full discussion.
except that maybe this semi-private venue offers a unique opportunity to bring light to experiences such as mine because i know that i am not the only one. maybe it could help others like me feel less alone and, maybe it could help people who have no understanding of such perspectives and life experiences become more understanding and empathic. maybe.
home
“home” and “making a home.” while i think that safety ultimately comprises the kernel of the meaning of “home” to me, the idea extends more deeply and broadly than just feelings of security. i see it as a place of comfort and belonging, the place where you can meet your creature comforts, a place where you can relax, yes, but also a place from which you can confidently launch excursions of curiosity, adventure, and play. a refuge of freedom from danger and disruption of the physical, social, and psychological kinds. that represents the abstract ideal or goal towards which i strive in making a home.
my house and yard, though smaller than some, provide me and my spouse, son, and pets with space enough to live fairly comfortably. i do wish we had more land for more robust outdoor hobbies and activities – camping, sports, letting the dogs get a good run, a bigger garden, out-buildings (ie a woodworking shed, art studio, etc), maybe even a small orchard and apiary; definitely more mature trees. i also want to upgrade my kitchen. i endure it in the same way we get used to a piece of clothing that chaffs us or parts of a job that we do not like. even with these limitations, it feels like home to me. i like our location. i like the coziness of our place. i like the feeling of privacy. i like the wildlife we encourage.
i have worked out many life hacks over the years that help me keep my everyday stress levels at low ebb. most of them involve housework and keeping track of things. clutter and lack of cleaning can significantly add to distress and anxiety in a space. i keep things basically uncluttered and minimally clean without actually crossing the threshold into the obsessively pristine. another balancing act for me. what does the proper ratio look like between free-time and keeping things uncluttered and clean? both impact quality of life in not insignificant ways. how do we determine which means more? for me, the ratio does not stray too far from center. also, i might use close to 50% of my time keeping things neat and tidy but i divide that effort among two dozen smaller acts throughout the day so i have more time for “unstructured time,” as early childcare experts might say.
religious and spiritual practice
a monumental topic for sure. something that we should not take lightly but that we simultaneously take too seriously – especially when we concern ourselves with the beliefs of other people. too much grief, too much pain, too much misunderstanding, misinformation, and maliciousness surround this topic to treat it with whimsy but maybe speaking openly can help erode those heavy and often dysfunctional feelings. i will attempt to tread carefully but remain forthright. let’s see if i can do that.
Please describe your religious or spiritual beliefs, if any.
as far as religion and the belief in gods, i neither follow nor believe in any. for clarity, i want to say that this does not mean, as so many think, that i absolutely know with certitude that god or gods do NOT exist. i find the lack of evidence compelling to the point where i can say without hesitation that deities do not seem to exist. the burden of proof lies with those asserting such claims, not with those who reject them.
Bertrand Russell’s Teapot explains this quite well: “If I were to suggest that between the Earth and Mars there is a china teapot revolving about the sun in an elliptical orbit, nobody would be able to disprove my assertion provided I were careful to add that the teapot is too small to be revealed even by our most powerful telescopes. But if I were to go on to say that, since my assertion cannot be disproved, it is intolerable presumption on the part of human reason to doubt it, I should rightly be thought to be talking nonsense. If, however, the existence of such a teapot were affirmed in ancient books, taught as the sacred truth every Sunday, and instilled into the minds of children at school, hesitation to believe in its existence would become a mark of eccentricity and entitle the doubter to the attentions of the psychiatrist in an enlightened age or of the Inquisitor in an earlier time.”
he further explained: “I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between the Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptical orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.” And, as implied by Mr. Russell, i think any god just as unlikely.
however, i do experience deeply moving “spiritual” or “mystical” from many things, the natural world primary among them. i also find value in zen buddhism and the psychological and practical pieces of yogism, daoism and, seemingly ironically, pantheism. philosophically, i find sense and solace mostly in stoicism and secular humanism.
How do these beliefs and practice inform your everyday life? Do you think about your beliefs daily? And, if you do so, what sort of thinking to you do?
living in the bible belt in the US means that i think about my lack of belief in any deities quite a bit. once someone finds out, it can easily go beyond intolerance that i call myself atheist or non-theist. ignorance and myths abound around this word and people mostly focus on words rather than substance or context. even if i outright say that i do not believe in God or gods but do not use the word “atheist,” people react more mildly. using that word often derails an otherwise good conversation and friendship.
so, i think about how i can keep religion out of my conversations while yet speaking honestly about my morals, ethics, and spirituality. even responding to someone who says “amen” or “god bless you” or any number of casual social statements can lead to shock and disruption or worse if i slip and say something too forthright or honest. the social aspect of atheism in a very religious and politically conservative place occupies an unduly large part of my mental capacity on a daily basis.
intellectually and cognitively, i think that my non-belief arose from critical thinking and logical analysis which has allowed me to hone my mind in ways not available to those who hold dogmatic beliefs prominently in their own (usually without their conscious knowledge or permission). this does not mean that I think myself more intelligent. it means my mind opens to more possibilities. dogma and faith actively discourage free-thinking because it runs counter to them. if you cannot think about specific things then, by definition, your mind remains closed to possibilities dependent upon those things. the fact that i can think outside many usual boundaries connected with all kinds of hypnotisms (ie unconscious psychological frames that we cannot see past easily, much like some optical illusions) affects my everyday life in how i decide what to buy, how to drive, where to sit in a restaurant, my choice of clothing, why i do anything at all, etc.
If you consider yourself agnostic, atheist, or secular, does something in your life play the role that religion or spirituality plays for others? Please describe as fully as you can.
this question contains a kind of hypnotism that resides in many dogmatic belief systems, not just religious ones, cultural and individual psychological belief systems often consist of them, too. it gently implies that atheists cannot be spiritual and have a missing part or parts in their lives. subtle, yes, but still evident to anyone not religious. like when smokers cannot tell that someone smoked in a car or on their own clothes. to subvert an old aphorism: they cannot see the trees for the forest.
i would say that many atheists who grew up in religious families like myself probably miss the kind of community and fellowship often found within religious congregations. however, humans inherently seek out and need social interactions for healthy and happy living. most people around the world will find or create some kind of similar network within their own lives even if they do not have the infrastructure of a religion.
so, yes, i do have (or had) some activities and groups in my life that “play the role” of religion in the social sense but also in the sense of sharing goals, thoughts, ethics, and interests, too. in other words, they might have a shared philosophy or code that we talk about and act through or discuss in addition to socializing (eg sports, martial arts, book clubs, pottery collectives, etc.).
however, i will argue that atheists can and do experience “spirituality.” that word tends to have many different meanings. recently, i came across the University of Minnesota Wellness program’s definition of the word: “Spirituality is a broad concept with room for many perspectives. In general, it includes a sense of connection to something bigger than ourselves, and it typically involves a search for meaning in life. As such, it is a universal human experience—something that touches us all. People may describe a spiritual experience as sacred or transcendent or simply a deep sense of aliveness and interconnectedness.”
in my life, i have had many transcendent experiences, none of which i attribute to any kind of deity or supernatural occurrence. i have simply encountered expansive and unfiltered perceptions of the universe through my own nervous system that I have used to help me find more meaning in my life..
What routine practices in your life are connected to religious or spiritual belief, and how? What benefits do these practices bring you?
first, i want to push back against some of the more popular myths about atheists. i have no intention of arguing and explaining them here. just read my statements and entertain the thought that there just might be more to know.
Atheists…
- do not worship satan (nor any mythical being nor science (ie not guilty of scientism))
- do not hate god (do you hate zeus or osiris or santa claus?)
- enjoy happy, meaningful lives
- conduct themselves ethically and according to a moral code that often overlaps with what most people attribute to the bible even though it does not arise from it nor adhere to it; most atheists i know about subscribe to a biological and pragmatic theory of origins of morality
- have existed in foxholes (often called the “no true Scotman” fallacy; they have a website, look it up)
most of us non-theists will talk about this if you want. just ask respectfully and with curiosity, please, rather than reproach.
second, do i actually have spiritual practices or rituals or routines? like monks or friars or many more gnostic religions like Hinduism, i have come to regard many of my ADLs as a source of meditation and spirituality. i have learned to focus and observe and be present when doing the dishes, washing clothes, mowing the lawn, etc. i also walk through every day with gratitude. again, something that sounds strange or even hypocritical to many religious folk here in the midwest because to whom do I send this gratitude? instead of thanking some one or some thing , gratitude defines a psychological state or attitude. it means having the perspective to recognize your own luck and privilege- that going to work, brushing your teeth, putting on clothes, eating breakfast (even a small one) all represent things that some people do not have the opportunity to do or have. many christians might say this sounds a lot like “counting your blessings” except that i do not send those thoughts to a deity. like many indigenous american tribes, i recognize that i have life and consciousness provided to me by the universe and i should acknowledge and inhabit that knowledge as much as possible. i think it allows us to appreciate and savor our life much like we do our favorite music or foods.
Are you happy with your current beliefs and practices? Why or why not? What would you change if you could?
this seems a bit of an odd question to me. i get it if you practice a religion or go to a specific church and feel unhappy with how they run things or the position they take on politics. but believing what you believe means you believe it, whether or not it makes you happy. my own position arises from critical thinking and empiricism rather than something I inherited from my family or culture – happiness has even less relevance.
but maybe i have misunderstood the question. Maybe the question has more to do with people questioning their beliefs or religion beyond just the mundane aspects I mentioned above. maybe it seeks to know whether or not people feel unsure in their beliefs or have had a crisis of faith. again, for me, this makes no sense. atheism does not involve big F faith, it uses logic and reason, which means that crises of faith cannot happen. i suppose i could frame this another way: do i wish i still believed in christianity? not at all. do you wish you could go back to before you could read or tie your shoes or knew that two plus two equals four?
What challenges your beliefs?
i have heard it said that to call atheism a belief amounts to calling bald a hair color. i do my best to not believe in anything. let me paraphrase one of my favorite authors: belief means the death of reason because adopting certitude for any system means never needing revision. i really do make my best effort to keep my mind wondering so that i do not collapse under the ponderous weight of certitude. many people like to draw a sharp line back to religion for the woes of the world but i don’t see religion in and of itself causing the kinds of problems we have on this planet. i think our problems happen mostly because we take the ideas and notions from religions and turn them into dogma and beliefs, non-negotiable tenets that we must be certain of or all will disintegrate, everything will fall to ruin. we suffer and cause suffering when our certitude knows no bounds. when we have drawn a line so stark and impenetrable that it forms a cultural black hole, so strong that nothing can escape, not even logic. fuelled by a lack of security, those beliefs become us, we become them, and remain safe from shame and ridicule and ostracization within our tribe. we identify so closely with those ideas that to extinguish them in our minds becomes tantamount to death.
my lack of belief in god and gods of any kind means that i have no belief to challenge in that specific way. do i have moments of doubt when i think “hmm. what if some god or gods do orchestrate life?” sure. but that has more to with seeing patterns, existing as part of a mystery-hearted cosmos, and keeping an open mind rather than it does anything supernatural. to say it a different way with Russell’s teapot as a frame: just because i cannot prove gods do not exist doesn’t mean they don’t.