Diary: 11-14-17
I awoke at 4:30 am—not the plan. Drifted off for a bit but got up at 5:15. I wasn’t thinking about much beyond getting dressed, at least nothing registered. The dog was awake so I put her out. She’s getting old and wobbly, which makes me feel sad. My mom just died, so the dog is not allowed to die for a while.
Left the house for the gym, and basketball, at 5:40. Started playing a little past six. I enjoy the banter, and the fact that for the next hour, I was fully occupied by the game, which cleared my mind. Went home at 7, sore. Started talking with my wife when I got home about my younger college daughter’s class schedule for next term. Showered, ate, dressed while listening to radio—mostly sports, some NPR. Radio occupied my mind. Took the dog for a short walk even though I didn’t want to—feeling sad again as she stumbled on her wobbly legs.
Drove to work, listened to NPR news. Politics a mess. Work was dull: odds and ends, phone calls, met with student about a research project. Printed off some student papers to read. Prepped for presentation to a class at 11. Focused on these tasks, except that my back hurt, annoyingly. It reminded me that I’d sat around for most of the previous week and was paying for it.
Did the class presentation—it was familiar territory, so I was quite comfortable. None of the possible nerves one might expect. I was pleased with the number and nature of the questions once things warmed up.
Had lunch with a grad student who successfully defended his thesis last week. Nicely relaxed. Glad for him. Tried to inventory my afternoon tasks while walking back to the office. Too many to wrap my head around, which leaves me a touch uneasy.
Back to the office for more bureaucratic stuff. Time moved quickly. Went to a meeting at 3:30, which involved personnel matters and required a difficult decision so it was fairly absorbing. Headed home, after a long walk to the car at the other end of campus. The walk wasn’t so bad since it was a brisk, clear day and I needed the exercise.
Got home and then ran out to the grocery store for a few things. It wasn’t as crowded as I feared so it went pretty quickly. I figured it was more walking, so good for me.
One weird evening moment: it was my custom to call my mom around 6 or 7 most evenings, but she passed away last week. It was a little sad but mostly strange when the time came and there was nobody to call. Hard to wrap my head around it since it is such a new change. I had no great sense of upset, but it was an odd void that is hard to describe. My wife mentioned it as well.
After I returned from the store I put my feet up for a few and drank a beer. My wife had cooked some pasta and a mushroom-spinach-tomato sauce, nice and hearty on a cool evening. Ate and read—a couple of magazine and newspaper articles. One was about new guidelines for high blood pressure. Mine’s been a touch high in the past so I wondered what it would mean for me. Then I took the dog for a short walk. As I remarked to my wife when I got back, it was as if the dog was drunk the way she kept stumbling. Cleaned the kitchen, listening to a podcast—a funny interview with a former football player. About that time it hit me that I was pretty tired, so I went up to bed, did some work emails, and wrote the last entry in the diary. Will read a novel for a few before shutting out the lights. I’ve discovered that I’ll need practice to get myself to take note of thoughts and feelings more carefully. Diary writing is harder than I thought. (10:00 pm)