Monday October 20th 11:20am
I woke up at 6:30 am, meditated and stretched. I have been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and now type only with my left hand. This project is a bit more daunting to me now.
I am sixty-seven and raising a grand-son. After making his breakfast of avocado toast with lemon pepper seasoning and packing his lunch of a peanut butter sandwich, apple and chips, I took him to school. He’s a really happy kid and brings joy to all who know him. I invited his Mother over to dinner tonight but I haven’t heard from her. I have a desire for reconciliation. Communication was rare until yesterday. She is really struggling probably in every way imaginable and while I feel compassionate to a degree I have not been reaching out to her recently when making decisions about his schedule. He is in Civic Theater Education, Martial Arts, Violin orchestra, piano and school choir. He has no time to worry about adult problems. He made all A’s and a C in science. I told her that I think he has potential for straight A’s. She lectured me about punishing him when I did not . She is clearly offended and rightfully so but not about that. I am taking him to Hawaii over Thanksgiving to visit his brother who is in the Navy. She will be alone. Her other children have also moved on and she is alienated from her parents. I have spent my entire adult life raising children. My son who died of a drug overdose in 2017 left me with two boys with different Mothers. This is not an entirely sad story. Most likely because they are delightfully healthy.
I have tried to become a good human but my temper sometimes escapes me.
I am working from my home studio now. Having bought a building for my work as a Massage Therapist and Yoga teacher while I was caring for my now deceased Father in the Home Studio. Today is the anniversary of his death. I now lease the studio to other therapists and privatise and downsize my own work schedule. Today, I had a 9:00am with a big guy who drives in from Indianapolis. Luna, our dog goes crazy barking at him. We finally figured out that he uses strong essential oils and that she is sensitive to his scent and not to his size.
My 10:30am appointment was to be an 87 year old woman who is homebound with a pinched nerve and severe pain in her left arm. She wasn’t available when I arrived at her house. I hope she is still sleeping.
I am trying to avoid the synthetic dopamine for Parkinsons. After three days off of it I’m trying an herbal alternative because of said side effects. I am really shaky today. I had imagined until a few months ago when I confirmed the diagnosis with a DAT scan that I would outlive my loved ones. Parkinson’s is not a death sentence but issues of morality arise in the inevitable realization of my inability to maintain the artistic and creative pursuits that I had hoped would highlight my golden years.
I am heavily involved with cleaning out unused items in my possession. I am no longer saving projects for a rainy day. I am dissolving all that no longer serves my familiar well being. I don’t want to have to be cared for. I am simplifying little by little.
The garden still motivates me and there are Parsnips and kale yet to harvest. I will tend the earth till the day that I die.
I am very aware of the trauma all around me but I can no longer tolerate loud noisy people. I send out a silent prayer of thanks to those who are actively standing against tyranny most especially human tyranny but also environmental tyranny ie. No Kings!! I do love America.
I have another session and a yoga class today at Alive Yoga Studio. I’ll eat lunch with my husband and load up some stuff to haul away. I will hopefully walk Luna. My husband and the best life partner I have ever hoped for will pick up our grandson from school today. We will have dinner together and I will be in bed by 8:30 pm. That’s right!
Thank-you for including me in this project. It has been my pleasure and I would not have done it without your prompts.
Peace and Love and Freedom to all Sentient Beings.