Tuesday, October 1, 2019
Sometime between midnight and 6:04 am
B. woke me up scratching like crazy; I tried to get him to stop, but he just jumped down and went to town on the floor. There’s nothing worse than the constant jingle-jingle of dog tags at god-knows-when o’clock. It does remind me that the vet never called back about having his medication ready though – hopefully I remember to call them in the morning. I’m sure B.’s incessant scratching will remind me.
6:04 am:
Same time I woke up yesterday! Weird. I’m totally laying here and enjoying the next 11 minutes before my alarm goes off though. Bed is seriously my favorite place on the planet: warm and soft and snuggly. I would live my entire life in bed if I could. I was afraid it would be hard to get up today since I didn’t go to bed until later. I’ve been doing well with my new morning routine, but not my night routine, which means I’m getting less than 8 hours a night. I know that’s only sustainable for so long; I’ve always needed a lot of sleep. People who can survive on 5-6 hours are a complete mystery to me.
6:15 am
Alarm. Bathroom. Brush my teeth. Upstairs to change. Feed the feline beasts. Take the canine beasts out. It’s bloody hot and muggy out for October 1 at 6:30! Why in god’s name did I wear a sweatshirt?!
I opt for the short route this morning. The boys barely notice the ghoul hanging from a tree at one of the houses anymore. It’s still so dark at 6:30, which makes the swaying of the tattered, black dress pretty creepy still, even after I’ve seen it every morning since Saturday. I’ve had a heavy feeling all morning, and halfway home I remember the dream that is probably responsible. I was pregnant. That’s it – nothing specific or more interesting than that – but I was pregnant in my dream, and now I’m awake and I’m not anymore. It feels like a load of bricks on my chest as I remember the dream. It’s much too early to take a test this month. I’ll need to wait a couple of weeks. I should write a reminder in my planner to call the doctor in 3 weeks; I’ll either be pregnant or, after 9 months of trying, it will be time to address why I’m not. She told me to give it 6 months (they usually suggest a year, but since I’m old – ha! – she said 6 month), and this month will be 9. I’m generally not super stressed about it, but it’s always on my mind. Always.
7 am
I settle into the loveseat in the “kid’s” room – I have always thought of it as that, ever since we moved in in February; it would be a perfect room for kids – a little alcove for a bed, teeny closet, nice light … see, never far from my mind.
This week I’ve added in reading to my morning routine. I was trying to do this mostly at night, but that hasn’t been going well and I really want to get some reading done, so morning it is! I’m reading Pale Blue Dot by Carl Sagan right now. I’ve wanted to for years, and finally got the right motivation! The topic of the small group packet this month is Belonging. I didn’t love any of the spiritual practices, so I made up my own: this book. Some people feel so small and insignificant when they think about the vastness of the universe, and I understand why that might be. It’s different for me, though. I feel so connected to humanity when I think about how insignificant the Earth is in the context of the entire universe. The vastness of space – the unfathomable distance and unknown of it all – makes everything on Earth seem so much closer and important. What we do matters – not in the cosmic sense, or even in the historical one, but it matters right now to the people around us. We can make a difference where we are right now, and that’s about it. It’s such a relief to not believe in destiny or purpose anymore – it means that I’m not failing some great, cosmic design for my life, and frees me up to focus on what I can do wherever I am rather than constantly searching for what I’m “supposed” to be or do. Maybe it’s counter-intuitive, but it’s comforting to me. Plus, so many beautiful images of space!! Seriously the best book. I love it.
After reading for 30 minutes, I go over my schedule for the day. J had to cancel our walk this morning in favor of lunch on Thursday. So much the better as I already have several other things taking me away from work today.
8 am:
Coffee. Make up. Get dressed. Do my hair. Eat breakfast. I used the rest of the ground beef and peas in my scrambled eggs and diced up some tomato to put on top of it. Mmmmmm. Delicious! I love using dinner leftovers for new breakfast creations. M made some quip about his astonishment at me cooking. I actually haven’t cooked in ages, even breakfast. I’ve been nomming on gluten-free toaster waffles or oatmeal lately. I think I can count on one hand how many times I’ve used the stove or oven since moving in 8 months ago. Meh. Am I supposed to feel bad? I don’t.
Call the vet: all the meds are filled and ready for pick up. I’m a little irritated they didn’t call me yesterday, but whatevs.
9:30 am:
Take the beasts back out. How has it been 3 hours since I got up already?! We take the longer route this time; I bring my phone and listen to the news on the way to keep my brain from wandering into places I don’t want to go this morning. Mostly uneventful. Lilly was out, barking her head off at us. Not unusual. No other dogs though. B and C deal with her just fine, because she’s tiny and behind a fence. Other dogs on walks or in their yards flip their crazy switch! After picking up after B, I can’t decide if this brown on my shirt is peanut butter from breakfast (sloppily scooped onto a banana, so possible) or shit, and sniff test doesn’t clear it up for me. It used to gross me out SO MUCH when people talked about their baby poop stories, but even just with dogs, poop is so much more a part of our lives! It doesn’t bother me anymore … which is weird. I’m going to have to change when I get home.
10 am:
I decide it’s probably peanut butter and just clean it off. I don’t feel like changing. Plus, I need to get to my nail appointment. Getting my nails done regularly is one of the bougiest habits I’ve picked up since joining the upper-middle class, right ahead of using an electric toothbrush and right behind hiring a bi-weekly house cleaner in terms of bougie-ness. It’s a little embarrassing, actually. Growing up poor, I could never understand why people would pay someone to do something that you’re perfectly capable of doing yourself. Even though I have perfectly good explanations about why I do these things, I can’t shake the dismay from my upbringing at this kind of spending.
10:15 am:
I’m going a little fancier with my nails today than I normally do. I usually keep it pretty simple, but I can’t decide between color or sparkles today, so I opt for both. I found something I like on Pinterest and K executes its perfectly. I’m glad I’ve moved this appointment to Tuesdays. Fridays were so busy at the shop – Tuesday is calm and quick. Lovely!
I change when I get home. Not shirts, but from shorts into the best pants I own – long yellow pants with slits up the sides so that they flow when I walk. They’re beautiful and more appropriate for a meeting than shorts … maybe …
11:15 am:
Picking up the beasts’ meds from the vet. Bad timing, C, B, and Z all need something at the same time. Anti-itch for C and B; appetite inducer and special kidney diet food for Z: $198. Ouch. When we got B, ARF told us that he was surrendered because his owner couldn’t afford his medication. I was so confused for months because his epilepsy medication isn’t expensive at all … then his allergies started, and it’s nearly $100/month just for that single medication. Now I get it. Luckily, he doesn’t need it all year. Z was just diagnosed with intestinal lymphoma and kidney disease (I guess that’ll happen when you’re a grumpy old princess … or a 19-year-old cat), so her vet bills have just sky-rocketed too. They’re lucky they’re so damn cute.
PetSmart (where I did NOT buy adorable Halloween costumes for the beasts). Bank. The Caffeinery. I’m meeting LH here for coffee and to show her OUTreach’s new, finished space at the YW. She saw it as a work in progress when we met about her donation but hasn’t been up there since. I get a soy chai with 2 shots. Over ice. While we’re waiting, she sees some friends and we go to say hi. I totally don’t recognize her at first, but one of the ladies is my neighbor, M. I tell her that M and I are leaving for Mexico City in a couple of weeks. I mention having been to Queer Chocolatier, whose proprietors are friends of ours, mostly because I kind of enjoy watching how uncomfortable some folks get when you say “queer.” I do also want to drive traffic to QC, though; I should get her a box of chocolates, since I’ve mentioned it. We chat a bit more, and then LH and I get our drinks and sit outside. We chat about traveling, my pants (because they’re freaking awesome), Muncie Resists, universal healthcare, neighborhood associations, and finally the non-profit I work for. We walk over to the YW to check out the space. She’s impressed – it looks SO much better than when she saw it last. We talk a bit about finances and the budget, then about fundraising and what events we have coming up. She wants to donate more money. Not what I was intending with this meeting, but a happy outcome, nonetheless. It reminds me that I need to get in touch with some of our other big donors and see if they’d like a coffee/visit the space date. It’s a good time of the year to get folks who have money to donate before the end of the year. I never thought I’d be good at this whole donor relation bit, but I am, AND I enjoy it, which is even more surprising.
1:30 pm:
Take the beasts out, again. It’s SO f*ing hot out!! B doesn’t want to come. He lags behind and I have to keep encouraging him. He’s a fair-weather walker. C loves walking at all times, regardless of the weather. I’m pretty miserable by the time we’re home, though. Miserable and kind of … damp. It’s so f*ing humid, too! Ugh.
2:30 pm:
M comes home with lunch – I didn’t realize I was hungry until now. I scarf down some Yatz (thank god they’re finally open!!), and then tell M that we need to make a health appointment with the hospital to finish our volunteering application. We’re going to be baby cuddlers together!! Oh my heart!!! He kind of drags his feet, but I call. As soon as I’m on the line, the beasts go berserk – there’s a dog outside that they MUST scare away from THEIR property!! I can’t hear a thing, so I try to go into another room, but M doesn’t follow so I can’t ask him his availability, so I have to go BACK into the chaos and try to signal to him that I need his schedule while trying to listen to the woman on the phone … we get it scheduled: next Tuesday at 2:30. By the time I’m off the phone I’m pretty grumpy. I’m still damp from the walk, I’m probably hangry from eating so late, I’m irritated at the dogs and M for different reasons, and I have a headache. How did that shift happen so quickly?
All of a sudden I’m exhausted. It’s the less-than-8-hours/night of sleep … and my mood, no doubt. I’m usually tired this time of day, but not usually so grumpy. I lay on the couch, and M brings me Advil and water because he’s awesome, even when I’m being irritable, with C at my feet, Z snuggled by the knees, and B on the floor next to me. Who knows where the hell BK is … hiding somewhere, no doubt. I need to get some work done, but it’s so comfy and I’m so tired …
6:30 pm:
Unsurprisingly, I fell asleep. I did manage to get some work in before I drifted off, but I slept a good 2 hours. Glorious. I f*ing love naps!
M and I take the boys out. It’s still hot and muggy, but not as bad without the sun beating down on you. M, across the street, has her huge pumpkin blown up. We can’t decide if the face is menacing, evil, or deranged. Probably all three. I like it anyway. We go the long way and talk about our days and our respective plans for tomorrow. We have to dodge some big equipment – one of our neighbors is getting their driveway completely redone. A different neighbor around the corner just had theirs redone about a week ago. It’s catching, like a rash. The young shepherd-mix is out – jumping around and barking like mad at her people who just came home. We wait down the block for her to go inside before we pass the house. The boys do a decent job of not going crazy; treats help.
7 pm:
M makes us cocktails – class margaritas. Delicious! Personally, I’m more of a fan of Moscow Mules myself, but you can’t go wrong with a margarita on such a bloody hot day. We sit on the back porch and let the boys and Z out. The boys are on leads because they’d run after anyone who were to walk by the house, but we’ve recently started letting Z out without her lead. She doesn’t really like it, and she can’t really explore very well with it on. She LOVES to explore – and doesn’t go very far afield – and, let’s be real, she’s dying anyway, she might as well enjoy the rest of her days as much as possible! I have to grab her before she goes around the side of the house and I can’t see her anymore, but mostly she stays in the backyard.
7:30 pm:
Dinner time. Left over jambalaya. We finish season 1 of Dark and start season 2. It’s a great show; it has everything you could want: time travel, apocalypse, young love, old betrayal, suicide, murder, the anti-Christ – and it’s all in German. Perfect! Between the two episodes, M makes us hot toddies, because they’re delicious and we’re bougie AF. The AC is on, so I can pretend it’s cold out. Ha!
9:30 pm:
Boys go out again, just with me this time. M stays home to feed the cats and take care of the litter boxes. We go on the short loop. One last stroll before bed. We get home about 15 minutes later, and the rest of the night, my dear researchers, is none of your damn business.