January 3, 2021 is a gray day. My wonderful daughter brings me breakfast. The dogs are barking, of course. What to do, what to do? I lie there for the first day in months and just ponder…
If 2020 has taught me anything, it is that new days are new beginnings. New year’s may be arbitrary days on a lunar calendar, but the measurement of what has been –and what will be–offers hope for a fresh start.
In my late 50s, I am suddenly an orphan. Such a strange thought, and strange it still makes such a difference, as lucky as I was to have them as long as I did.
A significant relationship is ending, and it is not my choice. The prospect of being alone is daunting but, in some ways, less than I thought it would be.
Two grandboys brighten my life! I couldn’t have picked a better mother for them and partner for my son. He makes me proud every day. My daughter, too.
I have started my dream job, just after I started my dream doctoral program. Taking both of these on means I wouldn’t have time for significant other anyway (this thought makes me laugh).
With three dogs and a grown daughter at home, I have plenty to take care of. And I’m grateful?they are there to take care of me.
So far, my daughter and I have escaped COVID. Poetic justice I guess since he moved out and got it from work. We dodged that viral bullet.
COVID has forced us to put our lives, and progress on projects, on pause personally and professionally Not going out, not being able to host events at work, these are frustrating and somewhat suffocating.?
But the forced downtime has also given us time to plan. Especially at a new job, fitting in a study schedule, COVID has made it possible to keep up. I am just sad for all the families who have lost loved ones. The individuals who have lost their health permanently, their jobs, gaps in their lives with loved ones, plans put on hold and lives forever changed.
New beginnings give us time to look backward on lessons learned, and at the same time to look forward. We anticipate what will be based on what we know.
The other lesson of COVID is that there is no way to plan. But as creatures of habit, of cognition, and those of us who lean toward organization and goals, we do it anyway.
So, despite its possible futility, that is what I am doing today. Absolutely nothing. Just planning. Seems an appropriate way to start 2021, though part of the planning is not knowing what to plan for and accepting that as part of the package deal in life. We are just human after all.