November 14, 2024
It’s an “office door closed” kind of day. I can already tell.
I didn’t sleep well last night, and I haven’t figured out why. I had a great night and was in bed, sandwiched between a man and a dog who both love me very much. And yet…..I couldn’t make myself fall asleep. And, when I did sleep, it was in short bursts with weird dreams that I still haven’t been able to determine the meaning of.
It’s supposed to continue raining today, and I forgot to drug the dog before I left him in his crate, home alone. It also hasn’t escaped me that I’m clearly dealing with some sort of subconscious anxiety that prevents me from sleeping, but the dog who’s afraid of sky water is the one on medication. Such is life.
Speaking of…..I read the paper on Thursdays, a new habit I’ve formed since my job switch in March. I get daily emails from the New York Times, but truthfully? I delete most of them – except that one from earlier this week about the Harlem Renaissance that’s filed away in my “things to read later” folder.
How many emails are in that folder? No one really knows, because I never actually have time “later” to read anything, but it makes me feel better to file things there that I might want to read instead of just deleting them, and losing them forever. I suppose it’s the digital equivalent of my mother saving actual newspapers to read later, a habit I’ve always hassled her about. The running joke is that by the time mom reads about whatever it is, it’s no longer current news, it’s so old it’s history. So, mom really enjoys history, not news.
Post-election, the times – they’ve been a-strained. I can’t say that they’re a-changing, but they HAVE been strained……. and strange. My daughter texted this morning to let me know that she’s tired of being nice to people on the internet. The other day she (miraculously) allowed me to weigh in four times as she reworded her post about the necessity of fact-checking, to something that wasn’t immediately harsh and off-putting. And while I agree that it’s been difficult to navigate relationships since November 5th, especially digitally, what I have that she lacks is perspective. It’s what keeps me from engaging, and from getting my feelings hurt. It’s what keeps me from “blasting” people I don’t agree with, or arguing with strangers on a friend’s post, or from “cancelling” everyone who says things I don’t like.
“Trump appoints key cabinet members” …….. “Age verification for porn sites leads to lawsuit” …… “Indiana to have first execution since 2009”……… I’m only three pages into the paper, and I’m already mentally done. I’ve stopped focusing and let my mind wander to other things, such as the myriad department store emails hitting both my work and personal inboxes.
It would seem that, in addition to the divisive political climate, the polarizing views coming to light because of it, and the seemingly constant barrage of world news, we’re ramping up holiday sales with a passion that can only be described as “taking advantage of everyone’s collective momentary mental instability”. I know that I’ve certainly done my share of retail therapy already in the last week and a half.
In fact, I was just scrolling this morning on the Thirty-One website because they dropped a new set of sales in preparation for shuttering their doors a month from now. Multi-level marketing has taken a hit recently, and I don’t know exactly why, but I do know that it makes me both sad and relieved to see these pyramid schemes fail. On the one hand, I don’t care if BeachBody fails because I don’t exercise. And I’m mad that everything is so much more expensive than it needs to be because 14 different people are getting a cut of the profits. But I have two cousins who were both making over $100,000 a year from the company, and I understand that losing that much income that quickly is literally life-changing. I’ll miss my Thirty-One bags though. It’s a product that, in my opinion, was always well-made and stylish, and I ended up becoming better friends with my “bag lady” because of my affinity for durable, if overpriced, handbags and totes.
As an adult, the things we connect over are really not much different than the things kids connect over, we just think we’re somehow better because forming a connection rooted in our mutual love of purses seems so much more mature than connecting over our mutual love of the color green or our opinion that no one should ever pack egg salad in their lunch (at least not at OUR table).
So, that’s what it’s about then – connection. Finding people who share your beliefs and hopes and dreams lifts your mood and makes you feel fulfilled. And, conversely, finding out that people you thought you had a connection with espouse different ideals than you, is just as upsetting as your green-loving friend abruptly deciding that they like yellow. Because who likes yellow?? That’s no one’s favorite color. Honestly.
And when there’s too much change, too much chaos, too much noise, too much rain (and too many emails to actually read) – I close my office door and get lost in my thoughts. I mentally file everything away to do or read later because I’m busy thinking about the connectedness of the things and people in my life. I think about the things and people who have the ability to affect my mood, and then the things and people that have the ability to affect THEIR moods. And I think about clicking “add to cart” because, after all, if I want one more overpriced bag, I need to act now!