These topics were difficult to blend together for reasons I’ll shortly explain further. I’ve attempted to answer all the questions at once in a few short paragraphs, trying to keep the “home” section separate from the “spirituality” topic while still answering as honestly as possible.
Home life
Most families see their home as a safe place outside of basic shelter, and I don’t think we’re that much different.
We’ve lived in our home for more than 20 years; it’s a typical three-bedroom, suburban ranch house from the 1960s. First there were four of us before my son was born; then the three kids lived with me whenever they were not with their mother after we divorced with shared joint custody in 2013. The girls have grown and moved away to other homes or school, while my son still resides with me and his mom.
My house has a few good spaces to decompress outside of the most frequently occupied rooms, including a screened porch, covered outdoor porch and frequently unused living room in the front of the house. I’m good at leaving my own room for sleep. We’re probably a bit of abnormal modern family in that there is only one television in the house, even when the kids were younger and in the age of personal electronics. Sometimes these lesser-used spaces become gathering spots for clutter and other items to get them out of the way. This causes me stress, but also the opportunity to “walk away” from it when I don’t want to deal with it. I’m still able to clean and maintain my home to a socially good standard, though the yard work and basic maintenance has gotten a little more challenging these last few years. I’m glad that I’m healthy enough to still do most of the physical labor many others have to hire out.
It’s been a good place to live, close to work and multiple schools, though I’ll probably move inside a few years as my life becomes more compact.
Religious and spiritual practice
I’ve thought about this prompt and struggled with it since we received our directives; especially following the questions about home, because I want to be honest in my answers while not revealing too much of myself, as I feel I’ve done with some of the previous directives. The reason for me desiring more privacy than usual is I’ve never really been particularly spiritual, and have been turned off by organized religion for as long as I can remember. I don’t openly advertise that, but I would say people who really know me would say it’s a significant part of my belief system.
I don’t often bring this up because it’s simply not accepted in this climate. Even an innocuous question such as “where do you go to church?” sends up warning flags, or it did for a long time. I’ve wondered what the questioner is going to think when I answer honestly that I don’t go or am not interested. Will they express surprise, as actually has happened a few times? Will they render judgement how someone who grew up in a “good home” with loving parents is not among their fellow believers? My own family has agonized over this a few times. I honestly believe they felt it was some kind of failure on their part, and I feel that’s what organized religion does.. it shames in order to bring to heed and compliance with the societal norm.
I know many will see this as an exceedingly negative, cynical, even unacceptable attitude. But it’s my experience. I never had an overwhelmingly negative or traumatic situation coming out of religion or church, but I realized early on it wasn’t for me. My core belief is to feel that anything that gives one a personal sense of peace and comfort is a good thing; yet when a religious person feels the need to share his faith experiences with me, I do try to graciously listen even as I feel on the defensive. I always wonder, would he be as accepting of my belief as he expects me of his? I believe Muncie to be a deeply religious community, and by not adhering to a dominant faith, I’m always afraid of putting myself at some risk in both professional and personal settings.
As to what fills the role of spirituality in my life, the answer is I rely on many things interchangeably to nourish my soul and well-being. I spend a lot of time in the outdoors, frequently alone but sometimes in the company of a special person or two. While I listen to music for enjoyment like most people, some of it is vitally important to me and I will include it in this setting as well. Enjoying sports and the thrill and drama of competition is important to me as well in a much more communal fashion with other people. Many athletes are deeply spiritual, for some of the reasons I mention above, and some are quite public in exhibiting their faith. I find this off-putting because it’s in such contrast with what I believe. I often need to remind myself that is their fuel, just as the things I mention here as spiritual “replacements” are mine.
Probably the most disheartening thing I have witnessed with regard to organized religion is how some denominations speak about those of other denominations of the same basic faith when they’re alone with each other, as if they’re the “chosen” people and the “others” damned to hellfire. This is the sort of behavior which challenges my belief that all people are basically good and look for the best in others. This is what I try to do, but have struggled with judgement a lot in life. Unfortunately, I’ve found organized religion or faith to be at the root of much of that judgement. That said, the local religious community has been kind and generous to me. But I also feel that’s because I fit in well with the status quo and don’t make waves. Admittedly many of my most negative impressions of religion have come from strangers and charlatans, not from people who I know value me or especially my family.
My beliefs or lack of faith are mine alone.. I seldom talk about them in company because they are not shared. I’ve accepted this yet will continue to treat other’s practice with respect though I may privately disagree. It’s my version of the Golden Rule, secular division.